Friday, January 01, 2010

Happy New Year!

It felt like I was just entering another year with a bright, energetic and full of resolution ready to be fulfilled. Now it’s Santa’s turn to be busy making his list and me also with my how-did-i-finish-another-year list. Hmm, I guess it is done and now it’s time to move on to another page of myself and stepping into another realm of life level. It’s sweet, bitter, dark yet adventurous this remarkable year.
Well, all we want is something happy for ourselves, our family, our love story to turned out to be okay and yes, pocket full of ching-ka-ching. I made some happen this year, some went bad and disturbing, but most of them made a good mixture of my life story. If I read my blog, most of them filled with stories of desperation, courage of being tortured and fragile single soul afraid to be left out alone in the big jungle. Years to come will be more mature and self reliant, more powerful to fight them, brave to spit on your faces and say no to what I really don’t like doing. Sounds harsh, but as a tree grow tall, it will grow stronger and harder. Maybe I can’t put aside my melodrama-personality; at least I can make this pathetic life more interesting with dramatic point of view.
I really can see the difference I made throughout the years, People lie to me; they throw away the true meaning of love, and meaningless but painful words by those people least expected. So I start to build the firewall against the world outside, It was me with full anger capacity, cold against every people try to reach in. But somehow deep inside, I was lonely and more hurt than before, damage by my own ego and self-denial though i had friends and i know they were always there but my self built firewall controlled me.
Then, I was introduce to a world of relationship, full of ridiculous dreams and hope of long lasting love until the day that I die. I promised dro that I will try once more to walk on the yellow brick road leading to sunshine and beautiful shores. didn’t trust him at first, well how could I? I could even trust myself. Bit by bit, I feel something was different about me, after I cool myself down for a while. I start to loosen up and feel the life I’m living.
My point is, I change myself like no one can do it. The lesson I learn wasn’t easy and cute, but meaningful turning me to be stronger to face another year. Yeah, life always has its own way to protect us somehow. Between the barb wires and open wounds, we can always find hands that will heal us and at least make the pain go away.

All I can say is: Be crazy, be happy, be fun with yourself coz it’s your life after all!

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