There's some lessons you can only learn when you lose someone you love. You think you are giving them the best that you have to offer, then it ends, and you instantly realize what you were doing was not your best. It hurts. I failed.
What can you do? Love is a game I don't play much, but when I do, I try to give him my best. And it always ends up with me reflecting on simple things; like sharing myself, expressing myself instead of hiding what I feel, just being someone I am afraid to be (a vulnerable person). Yeah, I can clearly see now I wasn't giving him my best, just an illusion of it. And I hate myself for that. I am so afraid of being hurt that I destroy relationships.
I am cynical about love. It always ends up with hurt, endless regrets over stupid missteps accompanied by sleepless nights.
Anyhow, that's just what is on my mind right now.