Saturday, August 07, 2010

Insomnia attack

I am an insomniac since i was young and been suffering from insomnia once in a while but recently, few weeks ago it's getting worse than i expected. I was widely awake for 3 loooooooooooooooooongggggggg days and the next thing i know i was talking to a psychiatrist. i ain't crazy lol... It's just that tooo many things are running wild in my mind. Work, School stuffs, my family, vivid dreams, those superfluous feelings and a lot more. My diagnosis was I was/am having a Major depression. I wish i can write here all my feelings, wish i can express my emotions freely just like other people. Confusion, feeling of hopelessness, worthlessness, helplessness and paranoia.... Sometimes i wanted to run and hide, sometimes i wanted to die ( crazy side of me) but sometimes i wanted to show off the world who i really am.
What i'm simply trying to say is I'm DEEPLY HURT by those unexpected people. Those people i never thought would hurt me. and and and.... this path i am taking right now? Is toooo faaaaaaaaaaar from what i imagine. I'm just thankful that my work helped me a lot, my friends and dro keep me preoccupied.

And all I know is I need to get out of here. These walls hold in what I choose not to; there are too many of my demons in this house. They haunt me and I can't take it anymore, the pressing and the insomnia. I break a little more every day, and the only thing that could possibly ever stop me... it will never happen.