Sunday, August 03, 2008


I was secretly celebrating something. Just when the party was getting hotter I began to feel nostalgic. It just came out from nowhere. I found myself absorbing all the things that keep on bothering me for a few months now. Those hurdles slowly freak me out. Just when things are looking up, everything comes crashing down. I was and am so scared right now but I haven't been able to let it show or let them know, so i know i look like a total jerk. I’m tired of arguing and now I’m the enemy. Something so string is now being questioned. I don't want to face this reality but by avoiding it I’m a cruel. I can feel it burning my stomached and i used it for comfort because these are one of the few things that can comfort me anymore. i have no one. Even when i can talk about personal things i never get that sense of comfort that everyone speaks of. And i hate talking about how down i feel because it seems like everyone else loves to, but i don't. i hate it. i never wanted to deal with these emotions and now that i speak of them i can't help but feel that everyone sees things such as depression as a way of getting attention. Especially because it seems anyone can find anything in their life to bring them down. i don't. And now that i'm overwhelmed with this i just don't know what to do. i don't want to tell people because no one can help me. i don't want anyone's help! i don't know what i want. i guess i want someone to truly understand me, but no one can. There’s only one person who really understand me but we’re living in our own separate ways now. I know, he will always be there for me, give me advice, cheer me up, but I don’t want to bother him. He’s the only person who really understand me and who never judged me despite everything. After all the things that we’ve been through, after all the pain that I gave him and he gave to me, I’m still thankful that he remains a friend. I think at this point I have to only depend on me. It’s making me tired now. I feel my eyes burning.

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